No one enjoys conflict and if you say you do, then I would be concerned about where you are coming from. Leadership (and yes even leadership in a Christian context) is a series of difficult conversations.
As Christian leaders, I would hope that most of us would want to believe the best in people, although when you have been hurt, criticized and offended so many times it is often difficult to believe that someone is for you. However over 20 years ago I heard a great preacher, Francis Frangipane, say “believe the best and pray the rest”. This has always remained with me. Have I always followed this great advice? No, but I attempt to when I am faced with having a difficult conversation with someone.
So this is what I have learnt over the years about dealing with conflict. In the Name of Grace, please don’t sacrifice the truth as it will always come back and bite you later if you don’t deal with it.
Thoughts to consider when going in to deal with conflict….
Do I have a part to play? I have to accept that there is always 2 sides to every battle. A respected pastor and communicator Carey Neiwhof suggests we ask ourselves this question: What is it like to be on the other side of me?
Do I blame shift?
Do people know what I am talking about? It is so important when dealing with conflict that we are kind, honest and brief. If we come with a heart that is kind and compassionate, you have already won half of the battle. Then be honest, don’t beat around the bush, don’t flower up the language so that the person on the other side has no idea what you are on about. Also be brief, don’t use so many words, women have a tendency to do this and they lose people in the detail
Once you have spoken in truth, then bring hope. There is forgiveness, there is always hope in the darkest of times, God always shines a light into the darkness to help guide you out.
Pray for them. So important to pray as they will then hear your heart for them as you pray to your Father together, this unites hearts.
Don’t let dealing with conflict be something that you avoid. Allow yourself time to unlearn the conflict trap that is crippling you and holding you back.
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